and things don't look any easier.

The insurance company settled with me for my daughter's car. I owe 7100. They settled for 5100 because their insured actually hit 4 cars including my kid. I've started paying them $125 per month. They call all the time and drive me crazy. I've asked a few money wise people what to do. Some of them told me to call and offer them a settlement others tell me just to keep paying them each month. I'm always scared that if something else should happen to me that I won't have any money to cover it. I barely have enough money to pay my bills and put a little money into savings for bills that don't come every month like insurance and propane. The only reason I can even pay them is because I got a $1.00 an hour raise a month or so ago. I don't know what to do.

My daughter is paying for the puppy that had parvo. I only paid $400. So I am thankful for that. She considers him her dog and feels responsible. Did I mention that she moved out again? Things are kind of stressful between us because I'm paying for that car and she's not. I was never going to mention it to her again, but she brought it up to me a few days ago and I told her that I was making payments on it. She asked about the settlement. At the time I didn't have it yet and I told her so. I'm almost afraid that if I mention to her that I got it she might ask me for money. When we argued about who's responsibility the car was, and I realized that she was not going to keep making the payments, I told her to never ask me for money again. She's never asked out right for money, but she has hinted at it. I'm not going to give her money.

My loan for my house is still in the restructure stage, but they told me it has been approved.

I still have most of the last couple of mortgage payments. I used the first mortgage to catch up on all my bills, pay the $400 for the dog, pay my car insurance for 6 months and the registration on my car.

I did take another $1,000 and get new tires (bald), brakes (90% gone), oil change, alignment and a couple of other things for the car. One of my tires was flat every morning. Lately I've been worrying about the car just holding out.

This means with the settlement that I have $8,500 in my bank account in my money market fund. So why am I still very, very worried?

I'll tell you why. I did my budget and I barely have enough money coming in to pay my bills and buy groceries and pay my mortgage which I was told would be increasing 'just a little' with the restructure. What the heck does 'just a little' mean anyway?

I figured out that to feel comfortable I would need to make $300 more every month. That means that I would have to earn 4% interest on $8500. I can only earn that in a CD, which would tie up my money for no less than 3 months at a time. I am not willing to put it into my deferred comp that invests it. I lost money there anyway and it is too hard to get to if something should happen. So there it sits in my money market earning 1.7 % interest each month.

I think I'm just tired. I do all I can and I just can't seem to make ends meet. Every month, it is something else.

Christmas is coming and my oldest daughter asked me to go in halves on a Nintendo video game for my son. Last year I didn't buy them anything, because I didn't have any money. This year I have $200 saved up. I have three kids at home. I told her "no". My share would be $125. I told her that I thought that was too much for my son to ask for. She said she told him that but that is all he wants. I still said "no".

I am also having Christmas at my house this year for the family. We always pot luck it so it's not so hard.

My youngest son who is seventeen, desperately needs to go into his second phase of braces. I'm hoping on getting just a little bit of income tax refund. I claim 14 and I haven't paid my mortgage in 4 months. I hope I don't end up owing money.

On the good side, I am now owe $10,899.41 on my credit card debt. I can hardly wait until that is gone. I thought about paying a big chunk towards this too, but if I was going to do that, I might as well pay on the car. I think I'm better off just making payments and saving the money for an emergency.

I did my budget for November and December yesterday. There is not a whole lot left over, which shouldn't surprise me, but it did anyway.

I will have about $400 left each month for food, gas and my kids school lunches and bus passes. Life is actually easier when they're in school.

I just don't know how I make it month to month sometimes. My stupid debt is now less than $11,000. I should be overjoyed, instead I still see that $316 monthly payment going out month after month.

I did do some things which I am proud of. I am now giving my brother $50 per month to help out with my mom. I also paid the entire six months of car insurance so I wouldn't incur the $30 late fees for three monthly installments. I am also puting $25 in a savings account each time I get paid. I just started this, still, it is a step in the right direction and one I wish I could have done months ago.

The car insurance company wants to settle on the car. This will still leave me over $1,000 in the hole. The finance company wants their money right now. I'm hoping they will settle for what I get. To catch everyone up - my daughter did not have insurance on a car that I financed for her. I am afraid I will be sued. My daughter has not made a payment since the car was wrecked in June. I've tried talking to her, but she will not listen to me. I am holding on to being angry about that and I can't seem to let it go.

I went to see my Pop's grave yesterday. There isn't any grass yet or a headstone. Just a maker. For a little while I felt better. I think it is going to look really nice.

Yesterday I went home after just a half day of work. My daughter had her ortho appointment and I asked for the rest of the day off. I'm wondering if I just went back to work too soon after he died. He was just laid to rest on Monday and I went back on Tuesday. I stayed home all last week. I thought that that was enough. Maybe not.

I'm thinking about trying to publish my story I wrote. I don't know if I could take rejection right now. Maybe I'll wait a while.

I'm thinking about writing a blog on "How I... Maybe I'll win the $25.

I just realized that our union negotiated raise of 3% will be on my next check. I am so happy. Struggling over my daughter's braces payment will finally stop. I forgot all about that raise until now. I probably wouldn't have waited to start her braces anyway.

New credit card balance is $11,259.47. I pay $315.36. It will be paid off in December 2010. This makes me absolutely sick considering my interest rates are 12% and 7%. Which I guess is not too terribly bad. I'd rather be buying a new car, or pay my house payment down.

Since I started the debt management program, I have not put aside any money. Now I will try to do this each time I get paid again. I'm in a much better position now. That $100 really is going to help. Also I have two collection accounts that I want to pay off. They don't total much.. less then $300. I do want to pay them off.

I have also been trying to figure out my income tax refund. I think I should get back a little over $1,000. I'm going to try very hard to just set this aside in a savings account. My money market has been empty for almost a year. I'm surprised the bank still keeps it open for me. It would be nice to have a little something in there again.

Lots of things have been happening to me latey. I got behind in my mortgage again, my father was diagnosed with terminal liver failure, my daughter wrecked the car I financed for her and didn't have any insurance, I had to put my other dog to sleep and I adopted two more, and I think my mom is going to come and live with me when my dad passes on. I had a lot of money fires to put out and that is why I got behind again.

The car insurance for the girl that hit my daughter hasn't settled yet. Chase bank has been extremly nice about this.

Maybe my most important money decision that I have finally made up my mind to do, is to not help my oldest daughter anymore with ANYTHING. I made her pay me rent for one month and she moved out again. My exact words to her were "My door will always be open to you; however, each time you come back home, you come back a wreck and it takes this family 4 months to recover. This can't happen anymore. You are 23 years old. You need to make it on your own. You always say to me that you are an adult. It is time you started acting like an adult and taking care of yourself and paying your own way. I love you. I expect that this time you will not come back home when things start getting hard, I expect that you will work through your problems like adults do.

Yes I scripted it out and tried to remember it. When I had a moment to say it to her, I almost said it verbatim. Was she shocked? Oh yeah, she just took it for granted that she could come and go as she pleased, whenever she pleased, and always have me to fall back on. I wasn't paying my bills so that I could help my daughter. My little kids were suffering. The final straw was when the car got wrecked and she didn't have it insured. What a mess.

Anyway, I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is a long way off, but I still can see it and it's not as dim as it once was.

Walk in peace

Slowly the debt is coming off. My new amount is $11,333.30. My beginning balance was $11,871.73. I have to keep saying I think I can. I think I can.

I will never debt again.

I read in the local paper that San Bernardino County, CA has a 26% increase in mortgage defaults this year compared to this time in 1990. I wonder what that compares to for last year. I remember the early 90s. It was ugly. There weren't any jobs. If something isn't done soon, I worry that we will go into a recession by the end of the year.

"I can do anything I set my mind to. I know this because I have done it before."

That is definately one of my favorite quotes.

Dear Fellow Sympathizers,

I had a yucky yucky day.

It all started last night when dd reminded me she needed a TB test read by Friday for her to pick her high school classes. Missed 1.5 hours of work. She actually got two shots. The new HPV for girls and her second Hep A. I thought she did very well. I have to go back on Thursday to get the TB read.

A new employee I have is almost ready to graduate from school and she has been in the "field" now two days. She is about to drive me insane. She asked me today and this is a quote, "How do you know if it is a Spanish form?" Being the ever clever one with my verbal skills, I said, "If the words are in Spanish, I'll bet a dollar to your dime that it's a Spanish form." She is gone tomorrow, comes back on Thursday and then is gone until 4/12. She asked me if I was going to buy her flowers for her graduation. I am just totally 'agog' with this woman. I even called the instructor to see if she was really going to graduate. She is.

I also found out that my very good friend's daughter was just diagnosed yesterday with cervical cancer. She is only 23. The same age as my oldest daughter. If you pray, can you say a prayer for her? She has an appointment next Wednesday with the oncologist.

I figured my credit card balances and actually owe a little less than I thought. I currently owe $11,625.30 in Stupid DEBT. Just think all I have to do is pay 1,625.31 and I'll be below $10,000.

Hi fellow bloggers,

Ended up at the doctor's office on Wednesday. I couldn't seem to get out of bed. Oldest daughter took me. They gave me a sample for new muscle relaxers. The spams stopped almost instantly and I didn't get the normal shot. The residual pain is still there and neck is very stiff. OUCH. I called in to work and told them that this time I'm not tearing up the doctor's off work order, this time I really am staying home. My neck really hurt. I also got one oxycodone. So managed the drive home without crying. Pain didn't go away, but I no longer cared. I haven't filled my prescription for the muscle relaxants. I still have one left and then there is the old stand by "motrin". Woke up with a really bad headache. It's probably related to my neck being so stiff.

Took my kids to the dentist on Friday. Younger son has six cavites. (He is the candyholic.) He asked about clear fillings and I told him there is no way. It's bad enough he has 6 cavities. Other two were cavity free. Dentist told me that my little girl needs braces. How funny. I told him she starts in April with the expander.

My new balance on my stupid debt is $11,579.39. My check will be short as I missed overtime on Friday. Oh well. Maybe I'll volunteer a Saturday. I've come to the realization that I may never have money again.

I did some paid surveys. I'm hoping I actually get paid.

Well back to the couch I go. I don't know why I'm more comfortable there with my reading pillow. I don't know how I'm going to manage 9 hours at the desk on Monday.

Happy St Patrick's Day.