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Archive for October, 2007

So many things to say

October 25th, 2007 at 05:52 pm

My father passed away on Saturday, just before 6:00. He was an awesome father. He went into a coma and I asked the nurse to turn off his heart medicine. The nurse called the doctor and he said okay. My mom, brothers, sister and her husband, and my oldest daughter were with me. He died an hour and a half after we stopped his heart medicine. The day before he slipped into a coma, he asked my mother to turn off all of the machines.

He told us that it was going to be okay.

My mom held his face and my sister held her had over his heart. We all were touching him. He slipped away very very peacefully.

Cost of funeral = $5900 / $1475. No insurance and I will be taking some of this out of my deferred comp.

During one of his moments of incoherency, he called my brother Lou Gehrig. My brother wrote a tribute to my father. He said that my father was the luckiest man in the world, and he can only hope, that when it is his time to go, that his family will be as brave and loving with him as we all were with my Pop.


My mortgage company doesm't want my house back. They are going to try to restructure the loan. If that fails then I'm going to take out all of my money in my deferred comp account. You are allowed to make emergency withdrawals.

Cost to restructure loan = 2333.00 (includes one month payment)

Even though my puppy had 3 of its five first puppy shots, he still got Parvo. I was devistated. Somehow, he managed to pull through, and by the 3rd day he came home with lots of medicine. He came home the same day my father went into ICU.

Cost $1800.

I am putting my mortgage checks into the bank to pay the $2333.00. They won't take them anymore except for the full price owed.

Hopefully this is the end of a really bad year that started in November of last year.


I don't think I can manage another year. I feel like before I can get over one thing, something else happens to me.

For instance, I went to the doctor today because of my neck (see many articles below about my neck)..... I also have a ganglion cyst on my wrist, that is spreading sideways. So I had to go and get x-rays. They are going to refer me to an orthopedic surgeon. I guess I might have to have surgery. I feel like a half empty glass that never gets the chance to fill all the way up. Every time I try to get better, something comes along and shakes the glass again.

Doctor put me on an anti-anxiety medicine. I didn't even ask for it. He said it also might help my neck and my headaches, and maybe help me sleep again. Who knows?

Walk in peace


$100 raise per month., and blah, blah, blah.

October 7th, 2007 at 09:37 am

I just realized that our union negotiated raise of 3% will be on my next check. I am so happy. Struggling over my daughter's braces payment will finally stop. I forgot all about that raise until now. I probably wouldn't have waited to start her braces anyway.

New credit card balance is $11,259.47. I pay $315.36. It will be paid off in December 2010. This makes me absolutely sick considering my interest rates are 12% and 7%. Which I guess is not too terribly bad. I'd rather be buying a new car, or pay my house payment down.

Since I started the debt management program, I have not put aside any money. Now I will try to do this each time I get paid again. I'm in a much better position now. That $100 really is going to help. Also I have two collection accounts that I want to pay off. They don't total much.. less then $300. I do want to pay them off.

I have also been trying to figure out my income tax refund. I think I should get back a little over $1,000. I'm going to try very hard to just set this aside in a savings account. My money market has been empty for almost a year. I'm surprised the bank still keeps it open for me. It would be nice to have a little something in there again.

Lots of things have been happening to me latey. I got behind in my mortgage again, my father was diagnosed with terminal liver failure, my daughter wrecked the car I financed for her and didn't have any insurance, I had to put my other dog to sleep and I adopted two more, and I think my mom is going to come and live with me when my dad passes on. I had a lot of money fires to put out and that is why I got behind again.

The car insurance for the girl that hit my daughter hasn't settled yet. Chase bank has been extremly nice about this.

Maybe my most important money decision that I have finally made up my mind to do, is to not help my oldest daughter anymore with ANYTHING. I made her pay me rent for one month and she moved out again. My exact words to her were "My door will always be open to you; however, each time you come back home, you come back a wreck and it takes this family 4 months to recover. This can't happen anymore. You are 23 years old. You need to make it on your own. You always say to me that you are an adult. It is time you started acting like an adult and taking care of yourself and paying your own way. I love you. I expect that this time you will not come back home when things start getting hard, I expect that you will work through your problems like adults do.

Yes I scripted it out and tried to remember it. When I had a moment to say it to her, I almost said it verbatim. Was she shocked? Oh yeah, she just took it for granted that she could come and go as she pleased, whenever she pleased, and always have me to fall back on. I wasn't paying my bills so that I could help my daughter. My little kids were suffering. The final straw was when the car got wrecked and she didn't have it insured. What a mess.

Anyway, I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is a long way off, but I still can see it and it's not as dim as it once was.

Walk in peace