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So many things to say

October 26th, 2007 at 12:52 am

My father passed away on Saturday, just before 6:00. He was an awesome father. He went into a coma and I asked the nurse to turn off his heart medicine. The nurse called the doctor and he said okay. My mom, brothers, sister and her husband, and my oldest daughter were with me. He died an hour and a half after we stopped his heart medicine. The day before he slipped into a coma, he asked my mother to turn off all of the machines.

He told us that it was going to be okay.

My mom held his face and my sister held her had over his heart. We all were touching him. He slipped away very very peacefully.

Cost of funeral = $5900 / $1475. No insurance and I will be taking some of this out of my deferred comp.

During one of his moments of incoherency, he called my brother Lou Gehrig. My brother wrote a tribute to my father. He said that my father was the luckiest man in the world, and he can only hope, that when it is his time to go, that his family will be as brave and loving with him as we all were with my Pop.


My mortgage company doesm't want my house back. They are going to try to restructure the loan. If that fails then I'm going to take out all of my money in my deferred comp account. You are allowed to make emergency withdrawals.

Cost to restructure loan = 2333.00 (includes one month payment)

Even though my puppy had 3 of its five first puppy shots, he still got Parvo. I was devistated. Somehow, he managed to pull through, and by the 3rd day he came home with lots of medicine. He came home the same day my father went into ICU.

Cost $1800.

I am putting my mortgage checks into the bank to pay the $2333.00. They won't take them anymore except for the full price owed.

Hopefully this is the end of a really bad year that started in November of last year.


I don't think I can manage another year. I feel like before I can get over one thing, something else happens to me.

For instance, I went to the doctor today because of my neck (see many articles below about my neck)..... I also have a ganglion cyst on my wrist, that is spreading sideways. So I had to go and get x-rays. They are going to refer me to an orthopedic surgeon. I guess I might have to have surgery. I feel like a half empty glass that never gets the chance to fill all the way up. Every time I try to get better, something comes along and shakes the glass again.

Doctor put me on an anti-anxiety medicine. I didn't even ask for it. He said it also might help my neck and my headaches, and maybe help me sleep again. Who knows?

Walk in peace


14 Responses to “So many things to say”

  1. Nic Says:

    I'm so sorry for your loss.

  2. paulettegoddard Says:

    Hey Barbara, please accept my condolences.

  3. Dido Says:

    I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the rough time you've been having of late.

  4. Amber Says:

    I am sorry to hear about your dad, please accept my condolences...I am a true believer that things will get better

  5. JanH Says:

    Words cannot express how sorry I am for all the things you are going through this year. I am truly sorry about your father. I'm glad you were all able to be with him. I sincerely pray that sunny days are ahead for you and your family.

  6. Thrifty Ray Says:

    I am so very sorry about your dad. I have been watching my dad slip this past year...it is so difficult. You have been through so much this year...a death of a loved one, financial difficulties and medical issues...all major stresses. Please continue to see your doctor and follow his/her advice...we are all (praying, hoping, keeping fingers crossed) that things will turn for you and a brighter tomorrow is coming. One day at a time, thats all we can do. Hugs to you

  7. davera Says:

    Despite these many challenges, you have attended beautifully to the most important thing in this moment of your life. You and you family gave your dad the gift of a loving and dignified transition. What a blessing.

    All the other issues are temporary, and you will find the strength and clarity to deal with them successfully.
    It is overwhelming right now because you are tired, ill and griefstricken. But it will get better!

    Hugs to you.

  8. Broken Arrow Says:

    I am very sorry about your loss. I am glad to hear that he passed away peacefully, even ready and willing. I hope that when my time comes, I will as fortunate as him, surrounded by people who care....

  9. moi aussi Says:

    I am very sorry about your loss.

  10. Ima saver Says:

    I am so sorry to hear of all the hard times. Hope that this next year will be much better.

  11. fern Says:

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad, the puppy. It can only get better from here. Just take it one day at a time. A new year is coming.

  12. contrary1 Says:

    I feel your pain. My dad died 7 years ago and some days it seems like it just happened. I miss him more than I thought possible. Plus.....having a parent die, is some sort of major life changing sort of cross road in life......at least it was for me. Nothing has been the same since; I truly look at everything differently.

    I agree.......I can't wait for 2007 to be a memory. Hasn't been a terrific year for me either; at least lately. Looking forward with you, to a calendar full of brighter tomorrows.

  13. baselle Says:

    My condolences. We are all here for you. Please blog some more.

  14. terri77 Says:

    My condolences to you and your family. I'm sorry for your loss.

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